"Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself."
-Leo Tolstoy
I love to write. I write when I can't think, when I don't want to talk and even when I want to understand. Anyhow, I needed to write something for the New Year and my dearest old 'mom' inspired me. Or rather ignited an urge of passion. Which sucks, I wish I had more reasons to express myself. Which gets me to the point. I don't. I don't wake up and say what I want or yell when I'm upset. Most of us level headed people don't. But I was not always this aware of my actions and flaws. Which I believe makes a person more susceptible to change and growth. Maturity... I honestly lack if I allow the facade to fall. Which happens in passionate moments and altered state of minds. *cough* alcohol *cough*. Most of my life I was completely ungrateful, mild-mannered, egotistical, stubborn, selfish and vicious. (And I never had friends because of these faults, until a boy named Frankie was a little worse than I was. I didn't understand his thought process so I just observed and saw that he wasn't liked, but tolerated. And I didn't want that to be me.)
God is working on my heart and mind and it doesn't happen overnight. Every day, every hour, every year I grow! I mature. I learn. I lose. I fail. I love. It all is masked beneath a pleasant, church going, hardworking and respectable student. That is hard. THIS IS HARD. But it works. I have an abundance of friends who I cherish and I meet new people everyday who I beam with excitement to get to know. This is the only time I express myself to someone, the Internet and my viewers. So it may not be right and it may sound childish, selfish and ignorant but when I have a lapse of judgement in a situation it doesn't bother me as much as people feel it should. (And it may never make sense to some people, and that's okay. We can't help or change everyone.) I'm an awful person in so many ways, I understand. But aren't we all a little screwed up or is that just on Keith street? Let this little kettle slow down I suppose before a pot gets upset! I will not say a new year, new me. But I will say New Year, more aware me. I have no regrets about any part of my past, at all. Change will come when God sees fit to throw me on the path. But for now... I'll talk to everyone, watch a lot of Netflix, work hard to make a difference in myself and my surroundings and talk a lot of junk. (I've been punched in the face plenty of times to know how it feels) haha #olderbrothers #drunkenguysatbars
But I do honestly respect opinions and I understand them, but that doesn't mean that I agree. So HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! I LOVE YOU ALL! Don't drink too much! Teehee and My NPO is still crawling so be patient guys! I have 7 classes this Spring, 2 jobs and a baby Bella who wants all my attention so everything takes time to be formed close to perfection! And a little more time with my schedule! OH YEAH I'm fat now so I will be back on the 25 mile a week and 5 days in the gym! White collar has ended and so has a piece of my heart!
RunPrayCreate!
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